Think you can fool me with this poor representation of a mouse?
I wasn’t born yesterday, sonny. Matter of fact, I was born 19 years ago!
Meet Cousin Elsa. At 19, she’s justified and she’s ancient, and in the words of Pinklepurr, quite a “foxy lady.”
Many people are obsessed with converting cat years into human years, so for your benefit, I have figured out Elsa is 93. Soon she will qualify for a telegram from the Queen. I have a ways to go before my 100th birthday — I am only 73 after all.
Here is some important information on how to take good care of 73-year-old cats, which I intend to show Mum and Dad ASAP. I don’t have a second to lose at this rate!
Mum takes random photos of cats she sees around the city. Sometimes they follow her home like she’s Dr. Dolittle. I am forbidding her from talking to strangers. It is very dangerous. The only dolittles and cats allowed in this household are Pinkie and me.
I can has sum of your crunchies, plz, Possum?
Mum said the temperature in our home city yesterday reached 41 degrees Celsius (107 Fahrenheit) — whatever that means. We just knew it was stinking hot. In wintertime, we are heat-seeking cats. But summertime means the heat seeks us, and that we do not want.
I did not approve of the ice cube. But I loved it when Mum put cold water on her hands and rubbed me down — it was like Shiatsu massage and a bath at once.
The heat, it bowled me over. Still, I preferred to bake outside
when Mum got home from work. I am made of tough (as well as cute).
Pinkie believes this is a magic carpet and that if he sits on it long enough
it will fly him to the moon, where the environment is cool and quiet.
People say my mum is really cool,
so I raised my paw to ask her if I could chill out on her lap.
I didn’t actually wait for her to say yes.
Srsly, do you really think she could have said no to a face made of this much cute?
Meanwhile in Holland, where it is almost as cold as the moon, our cousins —
Muis (translation: Mouse), Lotte and Pippi —
have discovered a most wondrous device: the central-heating vent.